cuz I want it all

I don't wanna do this anymore

I've been down this road, and it feels all too fimilar

I know where's this leads

I know where this ends

You make me crazy

Maybe I'm just not mentally stability to handle your fickleness

-but gets there's tons of people out there just waiting to be ignored and let down,

By a nice guy like you

You seem to have too much going on in your life for me anyways

The questions i am facing, is why does this keep happening

You are begging me to push you away

Clearly I am part of the problem since the same relationships keep happening over and over again

Maybe i just turn the boys next door into assholes, maybe I seek them out, maybe I'm a magnet....

But if the same issue keeps popping up time and time again... Clearly it's begging for attention

Clearly it's something coming from within me that needs to be address...

So what is it that I want?

Happily ever after.... That didn't work out

A fuck buddy.... I longed for a relationship

A relationship, I'm striving for some consistsentecy 

I wanna like you

I think I just might

But I can't do this

I can wait for you... Just do you can let me down

I can't let you plants seeds in my head...

I guess I'm just better off alone

I guess no one can stand me....

I mean what do unreality bring to the table???

-

I need to work on myself and not need others to vaildate my happiness, to make me feel important

Right now you just me look stupid...

Right now I am stupid 

So let's nip it in the bud

Let's not plant this horrible relationship tree... Nothing good is ever gonna come

From this anyway....

You had me there for awhile, you did! But another has already done the dirty work. I'm done

&&& i hope to gawd I can mean what I say this time! I wish to find the strength to follow through on my words and more so my thoughts 

How could you NOT make that error

The real question is how could you have NOT made that error? It's almost as if there was a cosmic imperative that things would happen as they did. In other words, there's a far greater purpose to it. Figure out that lesson, and you can move forward gracefully.

My roommate annoys the living shit out of me. I know im not the easiest person in the world to get along with but, do you have to annoyingly laugh all the time?
Your so fucking annoying...like shut the fuck up already. Do you just laugh was louding for attention or do you really think everything in the whole world is that funny.

On to the next rant... I hate being broke and poor but I've totally accepted that fact that I am. That's fine and dandy, then you have friends that invite you out all the the time. Like bitch I don't have $ for a cell phone I lost months ago, and your calling me on the store work phone.


and the next one. I LOVE BEING ALONE!!! I hate people. I need to study in complete and utter silence. Oh how I envy Rapunzel and her life of solitude. I believe that this has been instilled in me from an early age. When I was an impressionable teenager my mother told me that "Other people will just being you down, you don't need anyone else" This statement was regarding to the fact that i was going to homecoming alone,
and without a date &; I agreed with her, and it was true. But now I see others all around me people and friends who I surround myself around bugging me, driving me crazy all day, asking for handouts, asking for favors, shit lately just asking for my time has been bothering. I DON'T HAVE MY OWN SHIT STRAIGHT! I need to study, i need to save $, i don't have the luxury to take your places or meet you for drinks or lunch. I cant afford to be a loser forever. I have bills to pay ( which by the way, am I the only one who pays them and doesn't live with their parents) So have I circummed to just being a bitch all the the time? Am I not deserving of fun and free time?

13

blue
steak medium rear
moutain dew
car
cheap clothes
hate cheese on your bugers, and ranch
shoe size is 11
eyes are hazel
back scratched
bad kid
dont make fun of retards
played with barbies
bud light
jager

This is not the situation where it's ok for me to act like this...

It's none of my busniess right?

who am i to judge?

and the point is Im just jealous...but I have no right to be

Its not my place

But it upsets me

I dont feel comfortable asking, and that will make clear of my stalking

I just dont know what my role in this is...

Im not sure of how Im suppose to feel/ or act/ or say

I know how I do... and it was made clear that's not totally acceptable

I try to remain quiet and play it cool. Not blurt out any emotions

But can't it be felt...

they have to feel it... if Im about to burst, holding back tears, screaming on the inside, staring at you smiling....dont you just know.,.



isn't it obvious...

But he's not mine, he never was

why do i even care?



I dont think it's him in the whole situation, I think it's me...

Don’t bend over backwards for someone who won’t even press a send key for you

I know how much I love to say that I feel sorry for whoever you’re with,

But we all know the truth is I’m jealous

You’re only in it for a chase?

I just made it way too easy,

Too bad I liked you,

Too bad the whole world knew

… Too bad this kind of thing was kept secret…

Too bad…

I kept this up for way too long

And this was bound to happen after all

Who was I to expect anything…?

It really got down to a point…

A point where I was happy,

Because I didn’t care

I don’t think this was my way of giving up,

Just my way of having something

It grew to a point when I didn’t expect anything from you,

When we made plans to hang out with a date and time,

I didn’t expect you to show, or even get a call…

When you promised and I didn’t believe you…

That was all for show,

I'd believe anything you say….

I still rolled and my eyes and shock my head,

You then convinced me with a pink promise…

And you lie.

GIVING UP ON YOU IS THE EASIEST THING I’ve ever done, I’ve done it a million times… when I cry and say I hate you on your voicemail, its kind of our cute little game

sHE beLIEveD him

so I got fired the other day...
Now Im jobless
ruined my plans for the weekend
Not that they wouldnt have been ruined... Its snowing bad and it started early... so that means I wouldnt have been able to leave anyways...
I wasnt ment to enjoy myself this weekend i guess
My 8 ball is always right.... strange... but very true
Im really confused on things right now...

I think im getting better about my emotions... and I just pop a sleeping pill if it's too much to handle... But I over think things I think...

I am constantly asking... wait what does that mean... im referring to simple text messages... ughh why is it looked down upon to be straight out about things... Just put it out there... Black or White....Yes or No... its not that hard....and then when it does get technically I always feel like shit....


for example labels... I dont like them...

There is a word for this situation! Id much rather the label stick then to mention that word....



UGHHHH am I confusing anyone yet????


HELP


what can I do